The Impossible

“Why are you looking for the living among the dead?” (Luke 24:5) the angel asked the women who went to prepare Jesus’s body the day after His crucifiction. A question that summed up the greatest miracle ever seen.

The women – like the disciples – had heard Jesus’ teachings, had seen His miracles. They believed He was who He said He was (even if their version of that – the Messiah – probably didn’t match His).

They still went to the tomb expecting to find a corpse. I mean, they’d seen Him raise the dead before but raising Himself?! That took a whole other level of faith.

On that day their reality was dark.

Empty.

Black.

Every dream, every hope that had been awakened by Jesus shattered.

Their trust in God broken.

Death was the only reality.

I don’t know where you are in your life right now but I am pretty sure that more than one of you reading these words can identify with those women.

You love God. You trust God. You can look back and see the times that He clearly was working in your life. You can recall answered prayers. Lessons learned. Verses memorised. Worship songs sung.

Today though as you look around your life, circumstances and inside yourself, the reality is different. You see loss. Broken dreams. Unfufilled promises. Unanswered prayers. Doubt. Fear. Pain.

Maybe like me you are looking at one or more specific situations that, to be honest, are impossible. You know God invites you to bring all your needs to Him. You have indeed prayed about these situations. But inside you are like the women going to the tomb. You have – if you are brutally honest – no real belief that He can or will actually do what you are asking of Him.

I want you to consider for a moment: is the resolution to that situation REALLY more impossible than raising someone from the dead? Would it be a bigger miracle than the resurrection?

I didn’t think so.

Despite how impossible it is and how hard you are finding it to pray about it, I just want you to hold on to that fact. Sit before Him and acknowledge the impossibility of the situation but then also acknowledge that in the light of the resurrection, NOTHING is impossible for God.

Then leave it with Him.

We don’t need to understand it. It doesn’t matter that our human minds cannot conceive of any way in which that situation can be resolved. We just can’t imagine it so it seems impossible and so that leads us to be unable to believe the situation can be redeemed.

On Easter Sunday though, I remind myself of the impossible resurrection and say to my soul “all things ARE possible and I WILL trust in Him”.

Shadows

My husband likes to sit out in the sun.  We tease him about it often, and just to annoy him I will often go and stand in front of where he is reclining, to deliberately block the sun!

Photo by NASA on Unsplash

The other day this got me to thinking about shade and shadows.

The sun is 864,400 miles (1,391,000 kilometers) across. This is about 109 times the diameter of Earth or, to put it another way, it is so large that about 1,300,000 planet Earths can fit inside of it. 

It’s big.

It can shine on half of our planet at a time, bringing light to billions of people, and energy for nature.

Despite being such a massive body however, it only takes my somewhat smaller body to be able to block its light!

I can stand behind a tree and be in the shade.  Even a telegraph pole, from the right distance, can be enough that I can fit in to its shadow.

A cloud up in the sky, even the smallest, will create enough shade that it might encompass a large area on the ground.

Some of these things that cause the shadow will pass, like a cloud or a plane.

Some of the shadow of immovable things – like the tree, or a building – will themselves move as the Sun moves across the sky.

Sometimes the only way – or certainly the quickest way – to get out of the shade is for ME to move.

Now let’s put God as the Sun in this imagery.

He is always there. Always present. His Face always turned towards us.

Sometimes things come along that seem to cast a shadow, leaving us feeling that we are no longer in His Presence, can no longer see His Face, feel his Grace and Mercy.  These may be temporary, but for as long as they are there, we are in the shade.

Photo by Ryoji Iwata on Unsplash

Sometimes we move into a place that means we have put ourselves in the shade and, as long as we stay in that position, we remain in the shadows.

Sometimes we may be in a position where, for whatever reason, it appears outside of our control to move – we feel incapacitated – and we need someone/something to move us.

When we are in the shade (and I believe any Christian reading this will know exactly what I mean by that feeling of being in the shadow and not in the warmth of God) we need to pray for wisdom: wisdom to know if the shadow is like a cloud (it will pass), like the tree/building (it won’t move but we can) or if we are incapacitated to the degree that we need help to move.

Beyond all that, keep in mind, He hasn’t gone anywhere, and all His promises are yes and amen.

Thy Will Be Done

Biosphere 2 is a completely closed 3-acre facility owned by the University of Arizona. It is used to study processes that – they think – happen on earth (the original biosphere!). The most interesting thing they learnt from it was about the importance of wind in a plant’s life. In their sealed “world” they had trees growing faster than they would grow in the wild, and the trees wouldn’t reach full maturity. Before they could, they collapsed.  They worked out that this was due to the lack of wind in the biosphere. It turns out, wind plays a major role in a trees life.

Photo by Khamkéo Vilaysing on Unsplash

The presence of wind makes a tree stronger which in turn means it can mature and not fall down due to its own weight. Wind constantly keeps a tree in constant movement as it grows. This causes a stress in the tree which leads it to grow something called “stress wood”. This wood has a different structure to the normal wood and can shape itself to position the tree where it can get the best light, etc. This is the reason why trees can grow in a contorted way and still carry their own weight.

A contorted building like that would easily fall. The tree can grow in a more solid manner – thanks to the stress wood.  The stress from the wind is what makes a tree strong enough to sustain the wear and tear that faces through its lifetime.

“And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

I’ve written before about this verse, but it came to mind again recently as I was watching a grove of silver birch moving in strong winds.

In the case of the tree, God created trees and the wind.  The effects of the wind were woven into their DNA, so that it could be utilised for their good.

In our case, God promises that – if we allow Him to work – He can ensure that the circumstances around us can be utilised for our good.  He isn’t causing the bad things to happen, or sending trials to teach us lessons, but He knows how to weave them in to our lives to make us stronger.

The trials and tribulations, the temptations, the mistakes, world events, the actions of the people around us, all the things that we see as negative or difficult: these can all be used to create a flexibility that makes us stronger, that allows us to reach a maturity we wouldn’t without it.

The trick is to work within the Plan of the Creator, aligning ourselves and being able to pray with sincerity in the midst of difficulty, “Thy Will be done”.  That is a prayer of submission to His Creative Hands to take those difficulties and turn them to our good and to His Glory.

Directions

Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;
In all your ways acknowledge Him,
And He shall direct your paths.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 NKJV

Do you play golf? Even if you don’t, I’m pretty sure you have an idea how it works.

Flags mark the position of the hole that you are aiming for. On a large course, you may not be able to see the flag from the starting position. You will, however, have some sort of a map/plan of the course or you may have spoken to other golfers and you will know where you need to position yourself on that first shot, in order to come in to sight of that flag.

You are aiming for that flag. You move in the right direction, keeping its location fixed in your mind – until it is in your sight – and plan your moves accordingly.

When you are close enough to the hole for the finishing shot, they take the flag out. Leaving it there would get in the way – the ball could hit it – so it is removed. Without the flag you must rely on what you know/have seen to that point and keep your aim set.

What has this got to do with that Proverb?

My husband and I have been moving in a direction provided by God. We knew where He was directing us and, even when we couldn’t see that end point, we kept moving in the “right” direction based on what He had told us before, what Scripture (the “map”) said and what others around us had said.

Then suddenly things seemed to change. The point we were aiming for disappeared! We were left feeling quite confused and, understandably, questioning God as to whether we’d misheard, taken a wrong turn, or frankly just coming before Him saying ?????!!

That’s when I got the picture of the golf course. Aiming for the flag.

It felt as if God was saying the reason why our goal seemed to have disappeared was not because we were wrong but because we were close now. The encouragement was to keep focusing on what we knew to be true, to keep heading in that direction, and not doubting.

I’m sharing that with you today believing there are many among you who need to hear this from God today. You need to trust Him, trust His Word, trust what He has said to you in the past, and not “lean on your own understanding”. Keep focusing on where the “flag” was even if it seems obscured to you now.

Keep acknowledging Him, His Wisdom and Grace, as you move forward and He WILL direct your path, He WILL lead you safely, and you WILL reach the destination He has planned for you.

Trust God from the bottom of your heart;
    don’t try to figure out everything on your own.
Listen for God’s voice in everything you do, everywhere you go;
    he’s the one who will keep you on track.

Proverbs 3:5-6 The Message

Being An Oak

There have been several times in my life where, in order to bring encouragement, I’ve been given a word from a fellow Christian declaring that God has made me an “oak of righteousness”. The phrase comes from Isaiah 61:3, though actually many translations refer to trees rather than specifically oaks of righteousness. The Message puts it beautifully in its context:

61 ^1-7 The Spirit of God, the Master, is on me
    because God anointed me.
He sent me to preach good news to the poor,
    heal the heartbroken,
Announce freedom to all captives,
    pardon all prisoners.
God sent me to announce the year of his grace—
    a celebration of God’s destruction of our enemies—
    and to comfort all who mourn,
To care for the needs of all who mourn in Zion,
    give them bouquets of roses instead of ashes,
Messages of joy instead of news of doom,
    a praising heart instead of a languid spirit.
Rename them “Oaks of Righteousness”
    planted by God to display his glory.
They’ll rebuild the old ruins,
    raise a new city out of the wreckage.
They’ll start over on the ruined cities,
    take the rubble left behind and make it new.
You’ll hire outsiders to herd your flocks
    and foreigners to work your fields,
But you’ll have the title “Priests of God,”
    honored as ministers of our God.
You’ll feast on the bounty of nations,
    you’ll bask in their glory.
Because you got a double dose of trouble
    and more than your share of contempt,
Your inheritance in the land will be doubled
    and your joy go on forever.

Isiah 61:1-7 The Message

Earlier this week I had the cause to explain the word “deciduous” to my youngest son. A deciduous tree is one that loses its leaves every year. Unlike an evergreen tree that keeps its leaves all year around, through all the seasons, a deciduous tree’s leaves change colour in the autumn as they die and fall to the ground. The word originates from the Latin deciduus, from decidere which means to “fall down or off”.

During worship this morning at church I suddenly had a clear picture in my mind of an oak tree, standing in the midst of a field.

“An oak tree is deciduous” I heard. I must admit it took a moment for me to realise/believe/understand that it was Holy Spirit who was speaking.

“You are not called to be an evergreen”

With my eyes closed I saw the oak tree as it went through the changing seasons.

It began in the summer: the tree was green, glorious, vibrant, impressive.

Then the season began to change. The leaves changed colour, becoming a riot of golds, yellows and browns. I was reminded that autumn is my favourite season for that very reason.

“The leaves change colour as they die and fade” I heard. That caught me!

Then I saw the deep swathes of leaves becoming home for small creatures and insects. I saw the acorns dropping, becoming food to be stored for squirrels.

“Just like those leaves the dreams, plans, relationships and moments in your life that you feel have withered and died, which you mourn, are never wasted if you allow Father to use them to seed in to others. The pain you feel helps you to be able to comfort others, to understand. You have no idea just what a bountiful harvest comes from those things that ‘fall away’.

I then saw the tree, totally bare. The branches became covered in snow. It was stark. It was beautiful.

As the season again changed, the snow melted and I saw buds form.

New life. New hope. New beginnings.

“You do not need to feel a failure, because you believe as a Christian your life should be like an evergreen tree, unchanging despite the season. As your life moves through seasons, it is not your ‘leaves’ staying put that demonstrates My Truth, Grace and Mercy in your life. My unchanging Nature, your unfailing faith and trust in Me are the branches that stand out clear even in the depths of the winters of your life – in fact sometimes that is when people can ‘see’ Me in you the clearest.” I heard Father say.

“As long as you remain in Me, your true source, not only will you continue to grow, stand tall, be a constant presence for your family and in your community, and draw people to Me, but I promise you that I am using everything to your good and to My Glory”.

Maybe you are like me and need to hear that truth today.

Embrace your beauty as a deciduous oak of righteousness.

Please watch the video below as it is pretty darn close to the vision I saw!

A Life of Thanksgiving

“I urge you therefore, brothers, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy, and acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service of worship. ”

(Romans 12:1 MEV)

Giving your life as an sacrifice sounds super spiritual and a concept rather than something you can actually do – until you go deeper with God and find yourself in a moment, a season, a place where you become more fully aware of how deep, how high, how wide, and eternal God’s love for you is.  Then offering a sacrifice of praise, making that an all encompassing life attitude becomes natural.

As you experience His riches, His blessing, His love… whatever form that takes for you, whether it is a healing, a restoration, a financial blessing, victory in a difficult circumstance, a sabbatical experience, as it develops, you realise that when you are praying saying “thank you” isn’t enough.   A constant feeling of thankfulness grows until it becomes a burden because you just can’t express it adequately enough.

You run out of superlatives.  It feels as if you are almost reducing its significance by keep saying it again and again — like when someone keeps saying “sorry” and it ends up being meaningless.  So your soul prompts you, urges you, demands of you that you express your thankfulness in some other way.

“I will give thanks to You, O Lord, with my whole heart;
I will declare all Your marvelous works.
I will be glad and rejoice in You;
I will sing praise to Your name, O Most High”

(Psalm 9:1-2 MEV)

Speaking or singing in tongues becomes a blessed relief!  It  is one of those few moments when it actually feels like maybe you are fully expressing what is in the depths of you.

This constant drive to express your thankfulness means you end up being thankful for everything and in every situation – even the difficulties, the set backs, the attacks of the enemy, heartbreak, trauma – because of the truths you will learn, the character you will build, the growth in reliance on God, and the testimony you gain of victory.

“So we are convinced that every details of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfil his designed purpose.” (Romans 8:28 Passion Translation)

Think about it: If everything is being worked to our GOOD then we can be thankful for EVERYTHING because, in God’s hands (ie as we surrender to Him in the difficulties, lean on Him and follow His guidance) even the “bad” will end up doing us “good” – by which we rob the enemy of his victory.

Remember as someone who has given their life to Christ, a follower of Jesus, your eternal relationship with God is restored and there is nothing the enemy can do to change that. Your life “in heaven” is secure and untouchable so all he can do is attack you/affect your life “on earth”.  Submitting to God in the difficulty, means resisting the devil’s plan to make your life hell on earth, and as he sees you give thanks and claim the victory and the lesson in the circumstance – that is, as he sees you being BLESSED, he will flee because he cannot stand the good, the pure, and above all he cannot bear WORSHIP of God.

“Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus”

(1 Thessalonians 5:18 NIV)

“For everything God created is good, and nothing is to be rejected if it is received with thanksgiving, because it is consecrated but the word of God and prayer.”

(1 Timothy 4: 4-5 MEV)

The result of a life of thankfulness?

“All these things are for your sakes, so that the abundant grace through the thanksgiving of many might overflow to the glory of God.”

( 2 Corinthians 4:15 MEV)

“You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God”

(2 Corinthians 9:11 NIV)

​

One Drip at a Time

I’m sure you have your own way of remembering the difference but for me, I remember stalagmites as the ones that grow from the ground up because they “might” reach the top one day, and stalactites as the ones as the ones that grow from the ceiling down because they hold “tight” to the ceiling.

Either way, they are incredible aren’t they? Especially the limestone ones – the type we all think about – that are formed over hundreds or thousands of years one drip at a time.

So, I hear you thinking, what has this got to do with “spiritual things”?  Well, I was reminded of this slow but impressive growth today as I was pondering on how long it took me to grab hold of certain truths.

When my husband and I first met 26 years ago I was, frankly, a mess.  I’ve been a Christian all my life, but very much “self taught”.  I had only spent probably 3 years of my life attending church, with the rest of my knowledge of God coming first through my Mum’s example and sharing of her own faith, and then through my own reading of the Bible.

Well, it wasn’t so much ready as clinging…. The first Bible I ever had was a Gideons International.  At the front is the “where to find help when” section.  Aged 11, as my world crashed around me and I went from being the popular, confident girl everyone wanted to be with to the disabled, fat, ugly, victim of all the bullying, the girl everyone alternatively mocked and shunned (long story maybe for another day) I turned to those pages to “find help”.  I underlined in red biro, scoring through the thin pages, the sections for things like feeling alone, depressed, discouraged, suicidal, or needing peace.  I read those Scriptures over and over again.

It wasn’t exactly that they helped. I mean, the situation didn’t change and I didn’t feel any better.  But I read them to remind myself, because despite it all, I believed them.  I knew they were true. I knew God didn’t lie.  I knew therefore that my reality was the thing at odds with His Word, not the other way around.

I had no maturity, no teaching, no revelation to correctly fathom this out and I’ll admit my perspective was more one of “that’s true for everyone else” rather than believing that things were going to get better for me.  But still, I believed the Words and I reread them every single day.

Through my late teens and early twenties I stopped reading Scripture because I couldn’t handle the Truths in them, that were firmly at odds with the choices I was making.

My mental health was in pieces.

Back to meeting my husband.  He was a new Christian but he had the blessing of falling instantly in love with the Word and, being the way he is, determining to read it and understand it.  He spent hours every day studying, locked away with the Word (he was a youth pastor and evangelist when I met him).  Through his eyes I began to understand something of the richness of the Word, the power it contained, and to realise there was more to it than I had found or understood in those often-read verses.

Over the years of our marriage he taught me, showed me, encouraged me.  I began to read Scripture differently, looking for revelation.  In all this time I was battling several major mental health issues and again, being honest, although I was hearing the Word (as my husband continually declared God’s favour over me, declaring who I am in Christ, declaring God’s Heart for me) and even reading it for myself, I can’t say it exactly changed me.

Not at the time. Not noticeably.

Here’s the thing though (and the connection to the start of this post!): it all built up.

Drip by drip. Word by word. Declaration by declaration. Truth by Truth.

It all added up.

Without truly noticing, without really being aware of it or measuring it, one day I looked back at my life and thought “Hey! Where did that come from?!”  My faith had been built up and now reached the level of Heaven’s Truth.  I now believed, knew, understood, grasped, the depths and breadths and heights of God’s Love for me.  I now could see how He loved me.  I now could see that I WAS worth it. I was precious.  I was loved.  I was fearfully and wonderfully made.

He has plans and purposes for me.  He sent His Son for me.  He values me THAT MUCH!

All those Scriptures were true.  He never left me.  He has never forsaken me.  He didn’t leave me in that mess.  He did lead me out.  He did work it all together for my good.

The analogy works the other way too: that drip by drip God’s Love for me, His Truths, His Words, built up until heaven’s Truth came down and touched the my reality, the dust on the floor where I lay.

Either way, I can see looking back how vital every reading of the Word and every hearing of it’s Truth mattered.  Every verse I read, every verse my husband read out over me, it affected my spirit, and my soul.

It brings me to this: if you are feeling lack – whether faith, self belief, love, esteem, health, money, or any other area of need – keep reading the Word.  Find a verse every day. Use a plan.

It doesn’t matter that at this point in time you read it and think “so what”.  It doesn’t matter if you read it and think “that’s all very well but”.  It doesn’t matter if you read it and don’t fully understand, you don’t get goosebumps or hear a heavenly choir sing.

Read it.

Play those worship songs.  Turn up to the service.  Go to the prayer lock ins.

Again, it doesn’t matter if at the moment when you go to a prayer meeting you just sit and listen to other people pray.  It doesn’t matter that you don’t believe your prayers go further than the ceiling.  Sit in the room and listen to the prayers.  Hear the petitions.  Hear the praise.  Hear the faith.

Go along and sit at the side of the Healing Room sessions.  Turn up for the special speaker.  Download those podcasts.  Watch Bethel teachings on YouTube.

Allow the Truth to drip in to your life.  To drip on to you.

If nothing else is working for you, nothing seems to be getting through and you are just hanging in there, sitting in that damn boat in the middle of a storm feeling that, whilst you KNOW Jesus is there with you, you really REALLY wish He’d “wake up” and tell the storm to stop because its getting harder and harder to believe what He said that you would make it to the other side….  Just let the Word drip.

I promise you it is having an effect.  I promise you the gap between you and heaven is getting smaller.  I promise you that you will one day see, and know, and feel, and truly grasp just who you are, and Who He is, and it WILL make a difference.

A Childlike Faith

Children, especially young children, don’t get a say in what happens to them or around them.

A baby may express its desires (food, comfort, changing etc) but the when and the how of what happens in response to that is out of their hands.

A toddler is dressed by its parent. The parent chooses the food they want the child to eat. The parent decides to go out/stay in. Visiting friends, shopping, holidays – all decided by the parent.

A young child may get up by themselves in the morning, and get dressed. But the clothes were laid out by the parent the night before, and the child is told what is an acceptable time to get up (ignore the points where a child challenges these things – just bear with me here for the sake of a serious point).

By the time they are, say, 11, the child is choosing what to wear – but the clothes have still been bought by the parent. Even if the child gets taken to “chose” the clothes that are bought, it is still within parameters set by the parent.

What school to go to? Where to go on holiday? Moving house? Visiting relatives? All the sort of things that are still outside of the child’s control.

As we grow up, our involvement in the decisions that affect us grows. We learn consequences. We learn decision making.

When we are old enough to get our first paper round/Saturday job, we have money that we have a right to spend pretty much how we want.

By the time we reach 18, and certainly when we finally leave home, we are fully in charge of the choices we make. Even if circumstances remain outside our control (the flat tyre, the difficult boss, unrequited love) we are aware of the ability to chose how to react to them, and what steps to take in response to them.

This is how it should be. This is independence. This is maturity.

Christian maturity however is (like most things in the Kingdom of Heaven) completely back to front.

From the moment we are “born again” we start a new life. A new journey. However, unlike our physical journey and life progression, this is all about losing our independence.

Bear with me here.

Jesus said “Truly I say to you, unless you are converted and become like little children, you will not enter the kingdom of heaven” (Matt 18:3)

Remember the child who is dependent on the parent?

Each morning, from a very young age, my boys would ask “what are we doing today?” Even as teenagers and young adults, they still come to us (only now it is last thing at night!) and ask “what’s the plan for tomorrow?”

When they ask this, they aren’t asking about the big things. They don’t want a 6 month or 5 year plan. This isn’t a philosophical question. No, they are asking about the plans we have made for the day so they know how they will affect them.

My 10 year old knows he will have clothes to wear each day and he knows they will be cleaned when they get dirty. He knows there will be food in the kitchen and a hot meal prepared for his dinner. He knows the bills are being paid which means there are lights, heat, water and (because he is a modern 10 year old) internet connection!

He doesn’t fret about those things.

When he asks me in the morning what the plans are, he wants to know if anything different is happening. Anything exciting. Anything that will give a structure to the day, give him focus.  He has an expectation that I will take care of the big stuff, he just needs to know about the day to day stuff.  That day.  Today.

When you give your life to Jesus, and you are born again, the single hardest fundamental thing you are likely to spend the rest of your journey grappling with is losing your independence. Becoming child like.

Surrender.

Not my will but Your’s Lord. Your Kingdom come, Your Will be done. Not my way but Yours. Not my plans but Yours. Not my righteousness but Yours.

Slowly but surely you need to learn how to give up the need to know, to be in control, in charge.

Doesn’t that sound tough? Weak? Are you feeling threatened and argumentative in response to reading this idea or challenged? I know I felt genuinely stunned by the picture God gave me earlier this week in response to some serious (and right motivated) prayer time over issues to do with our future.

There is a lot of stuff going on in our lives and the lives of those around us in the church that is making things seem “out of control”. There is a lot I currently don’t understand! A lot of seemingly unanswered prayers. In some cases, we seem to have had the completely opposite answer to the one we were seeking!

It’s tough. I don’t like it.

It seems right and correct to “seek His Will” for our lives, but sometimes we misuse this “seek ye first” attitude and, if we are truthful, it becomes an excuse to justify our constant drive to KNOW, to understand, to control.

That was what hit me – like a spiritual truck – when once more I cried out to God “Why?! What is going on?!”

I have to tell you, I did not like the picture I received.

But it made sense. Total sense. I have to abandon myself to Him. Surrender all. How often do we sing those words in church on a Sunday or listening to worship in the car? “You can have it all Lord!”

Really?

I challenge you to become more childlike this week. Go to your heavenly Dad in the morning and thank Him for the new mercies of the day. Be thankful for the clothes set out for you. For the food provided. For the material comforts around you.

Acknowledge that He pays the bills. I don’t just mean the obvious big one, THE price He paid for us, but also I recognise that the financial provision in my life – job or benefits – ultimately come from Him.

Chose to live this week as if you truly believe He has charge of the big things. He has a Plan. He has a 6 month, 5 year, 50 year Plan for you and all of His creation. He knows the beginning from the end and He can work ALL things together for our good – if we let Him, if we leave the big stuff to Him.

Ask each morning “what’s the plan for today?” Who does He want you to talk to? Where does He want to take you? Is there anything exciting on the cards?! Be expectant of the good Father has for you.

Don’t sweat the big stuff. Focus on the small things. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.

This isn’t an unhealthy dependence. This is truly living.

Can I ask one more thing? Can you pray for me? You see, I’m trying to respond to what God has shown me, and I am purposing this week (surely I can manage one week?!) to be more childlike. However I am aware of my flesh rebelling against the very idea. I am a list maker. A planner. Organised. I like to be in control (oh BOY do I like to be in control). I like to be prepared.

At the moment I am none of those things and apparently that is how it is meant to be!

Even as I write those words though, Holy Spirit is whispering in my ear, reminding me that I CAN be prepared. That it is still ok to be organised. But, His ways are not mine. I can be prepared by reading His Word. By listening to Him. By trusting. I can be in control by subjecting my will to my spirit – which is partnered with His.

Guess you’ve been praying already? 🙂

Fog

Today’s quiet time at my favourite spot lacked the view. Thickening fog obscured the beautiful vista that normally soothes my soul.

As I am prone to do, I immediately saw the analogy between the fog and where many of us can find ourselves.

I know the sea is still there – I can hear it even if I can’t see it. I know the horizon is there somewhere. The sky. Ships. Intellectually, I know they are there even though my direct experience – what my senses are telling me – suggests they aren’t.

I’m sure you see the parallel. As Christians, especially if we read the Scriptures or listen to Biblical teaching, know the Truth. I know God loves me. I know I have value. I know He has good plans for me. I know nothing can separate me from His love. I know He can work all things together for my good if I allow Him. I know He will never leave me nor forsake me.

Sometimes though, my “direct experience” doesn’t match what I know. Sometimes I feel alone. Sometimes there seems to be no hope. Sometimes it seems He isn’t listening. Sometimes He doesn’t even seem to be there. Sometimes I’m scared.

If you find yourself in that place, remember the fog. Remember that it isn’t sensible to only trust what you can see. To place experience over knowledge. Circumstance over Scripture.

If you were out walking and the fog came in, what would you do?

Maybe you would stay still. Stay where you know you are – where you knew you were before the fog came – and wait for it to pass.

Perhaps you are the sort of person who would get out their phone (let’s assume you had signal!) and rely on the map, the blinking dot, to tell you where you are and show you how to get where you want to be.

Perhaps you have no phone (or no signal!) and instead decide to trust in instinct and common sense. Find a road, find the edge of the field, the shoreline. Find a feature and follow it, knowing all roads lead somewhere and sooner or later you will come to a road sign.

Those are all good options for us when the fog of circumstances or our feelings cloud our trust in God’s Truth.

Stay where you are. Rest. Remember it was ok before and it will be again. This too shall pass.

Take out your Bible. See what it says about where you are and where you are going and rely on what it says instead of what you see.

Find a truth you do still believe, that you can still see, and follow it. Stay with it. Keep confessing and clinging to it until the fog clears and you can see more of the Truth.

One other part of the analogy from today’s fog… The longer I sat in the car the less vision I had. Not just because the fog thickened but because the water condensed on to the window screen and obscured my vision.

When I turned the ignition on and used the windscreen wipers to clear the screen I saw that actually the fog wasn’t as bad as I thought! The lack of vision came from where I was positioned…..

Do I need to spell it out?

Sometimes where we are is what is causing us to doubt, to fail to trust in God’s Word. That relationship. That attitude. The influence of that friend. The TV show you watch. The book you are reading. The music you listen to. That wrong teaching.

Find a friend you trust, someone you know walks closely with God, and get them to be your windscreen wiper. Ask them to pray and seek God for what is blocking your vision or, if you suspect you know the answer, deal with it.

Move from where you are currently positioned and see if your vision clears. Take a break. Go for a walk. Take an afternoon off. Sit in the prayer room. Have a holiday. Go visit someone. Anything to break the position you are in.

If you wake up feeling down and sit around all day on the sofa watching daytime TV, by the end of the day you will feel more tired, more sluggish, greyer, than if you’d got out of the house and gone for a walk or done some gardening… Where you are will affect how you feel and therefore what you can “see”.

Remember I write these words as someone who has been in all those positions, battled mental health issues, fought clinical depression, fought spiritual fatigue, been to the depths of emotions, the edge of sanity… I’ve been there and back.

If you are struggling in a place where you can identify with what I have described, I pray this post has at least wiped the windscreen for you and given you a moment where things are a little clearer. If so, please grab that moment and use that clarity to reposition yourself.

Kingdom Come

The past few weeks have been quite a ride.

A week ago during the evening service at church, as I was worshipping, I clearly “saw” a spirit from the kingdom of darkness leaving the room. A few moments later I realised with sudden, stunning, shattering awareness that the battle that had been present in my mind for the last 35 years had stopped. The mental torment, the sometimes overwhelming, never less than background noise, interference, hassle, confusion and negative thoughts had ceased.

I realised this first because my mind suddenly went blank. I realised it felt empty. (All this was whilst the worship was still going on around me). Then, just like when a computer restarts,  the screen goes black, then you see the system reboot, my mind “rebooted” and I saw it wasn’t blank or empty – just empty of the depression. 35 years is a long time to carry something, and the reality of its absence was just indescribable.

All of a sudden I had my mind back! It was SUCH a rush! I couldn’t stop smiling. In fact, every time now I close my eyes to worship, or to pray, or I am alone and therefore have space to think, I start grinning as – gosh this is so hard to explain – it feels so different inside my mind, so clear, so clean, and I am so present in my own thoughts.

Over the past  week I have filled my mind with God’s truth and presence, through reading Scriptures, praying, worshipping, singing in tongues… Wanting to renew my mind in Christ and clearly mark that space as His and seal the door against the enemy for good.

At the end of the week I was blessed to be able to attend a 2 days basic training in the Bethel Sozo Ministry, and oh boy did that all tie in! I had a series of lightbulb moments as things fell into place. I described it to several people as being like holding up two X-rays or transparencies and slowly aligning then until you could see they were identical.

God’s plan and purpose for me, the reasons behind giftings, personality traits, and the way He had used the negative stuff in my past to turn to His good and strengthen those plans became clear and brought comfort, respite, encouragement and excitement. I have begun to pursue God for one of His gifts, accepting it (only about 30 years after I became aware of having it!), wanting to understand it, grow it, train, learn, explore and use it – and seeking Him for more, much more. Yes I am aware that is a “dangerous” prayer!

At my own, first Sozo on 5th June last year, God did an incredible work and finally broke the lie that I had believed my entire life, reversing it seemed my whole being in the space of a few moments. It was simply life changing. Since that time a new “me” began to emerge. Ways of thinking have been changing. New neurone pathways being created every day and old ones dying out. Reprogramming. Redesigning. Using the original blueprint, God’s plan, and doing away with almost all the framework I’d built myself on over four decades. The depression left last week because seven and a half months later, there was simply nothing left for it to cling to. No wounds for it to use to have right of access to me.

My journey for those months has been charted by the worship songs that have grabbed me, a playlist of songs whose lyrics seem to have mirrored the path I have been on. Right now it is “When you walk into a room” by Brian & Katie Torwalt from the Kingdom Come album (no coincidence that is the title of our evening services..). They write “when you walk into the room everything changes, darkness starts to tremble at the light that you bring” – and that is what happened. His light and more specifically His presence filled my mind after all the vines of experience, incident and trauma had finally died after being cut down in June, and darkness simply fled.

Yesterday evening, at the evening service, one week round from the depression fleeing, I had a vision – as I had been seeking God for the increase in the prophetic – that just stunned me and brought me literally and figuratively to my knees.

I saw with my own eyes the room full of people through God’s eyes.

Father God looked on us and we were a crowd of His children, clothed in white, dazzling like some commercial for washing powder, brilliant white. It was beautiful, moving, uplifting.

Then the vision shifted, and I saw through Jesus’ eyes. It broke me.

Jesus Christ, our Advocate, our Ransom, the sacrifice that took away our sins, looked at the room and saw it full of His brothers and sisters, hurting, broken. He saw pain, sickness, suffering, depression, despondency, fear, and sin. Every one of the things in each of our lives – past, present and future – that He died for, was there for Him to see as He looked at us. Of course, He bore them so He knows them. He knows them. He knows us. Intimately. He didn’t just walk this earth in His own life but by taking all our sins and our unrighteousness He has in fact lived all our lives and so truly, deeply knows us. That’s why He is our Advocate. Because He sees us God doesn’t – Father sees our righteousness in Christ.

On my knees, sobbing, overwhelmed with the debt I can never repay, the vision cleared again to that of Holy Spirit.

As He looked at the room, Holy Spirit saw something totally different, something remarkable. Have you ever watched Doctor Who, one of the modern ones, where they do the regeneration scene? Or a similar scene in a film, where the person is filled or “zapped” with some power, some super power? Every person was a column of light, a pillar of fire. Some had it shooting up and out, some blazed – but we all had it. Every born again person in that room carried it. The power of Holy Spirit. His resurrection power. Himself. As God promised from ages past (Ezekiel 36:27) and as He fulfilled at Pentecost, we have the Holy Spirit dwelling within us (1 Corinthians 3:16 and 6:19, Galations 4:6… I could go on!)

What an amazing sight it was! It was nothing short of exhilarating.

Again and again that vision is touching me, changing me, challenging me, drawing me. I pray it blesses you too.

We finished the evening with an equally challenging testimony and exhortation from an incredible woman of God, and right at the end I was completely undone when she spoke a Word from God direct to me.

I sit here this morning, in my special place with God, shaken and stirred, incredibly excited. My mind is filling with images and ideas that I would never have entertained even a few months ago and never in the years before. I can’t wait for next Sunday when we launch a new, permanent dedicated prayer space in our church (did you knew barely 5% of UK churches have such a space?) and we begin a week of 24/7 prayer. I shall be moving my special place to that room for the week and I am hugely expectant of what God and I will talk about, what He will reveal, and where He will take me during those times.

No teaching here today for you dear reader, but I hope sharing my testimony and journey will encourage and challenge you.

“But those who wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles, they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint” (Isaiah 40:31 MEV)